I absolutely give up...

Yeah. Merry Christmas everyone. Actually Christmas wasn't all that bad... I had fun. Then today happened.

I started out this morning feeling pretty good actually. I got up early, got all of my stuff together, and headed into town to pick up my paycheck. Well, I got that taken care of and figured my finances for the week (I was right about the $60 to live off this week) and I was headed back to work. Well, I was coming up on an intersection and the light went yellow. I started slowing down, but then I dropped something. I don't even remember what I dropped, but I looked down to get it, and the next thing I know I was ramming into the back of someone's car. Oh my God I thought I was going to have a heart atack right there. We pulled into an apartment complex and called the Sherriff's department, and they showed up about 45 minutes later. I got cited for "failure to control speed to avaoid an accident", a $91 dollar fine, by the way. I also have to pay for my insurance that is going to go through the roof. And I still have the $85 for traffic school, along with $200 for my living accomodations and whatever my phone bill is when it comes in. *sighs* I'm lucky I guess that it wasn't that bad... Their car has some black marks on the rear bumper and it's dented a bit, and the truck lid is sitting a little crooked, but nothing more than that. My truck's front bumper is pushed back, but that's all. I have to go early in the morning and have an estimate done. And what kills me is this: When I talked to my dad he was pretty calm about the situation. I knew my mom wouldn't be and that she would fly off the handle, but what I didn't expect was what hurt the most. She asked about the damage and told me what an idiot I am and how much I deserved this, but never, not ONCE did she ask me if I got hurt or if I was okay. I know it's just because she was mad and wasn't thinking about it, but that's how she gets every time she's mad at me. It's almost like at the moment she really wouldn't care if I walked the face of the earth or not. And I know how much of a disappointment I am to my parents - dropping out of school and being in so much debt and now this... I just don't want to do this to them anymore. I'm so tired, and I just really don't know what to do. And tomorrow is the 2 year anniversary of Papa's death and I still miss him so much...

I hate my life.

Song Quote of the Moment: "I'm a slave of karma."

~Splashdown